***Trigger Warning***

I joined the army to serve my country. After basic training I attended school a four month program, during this time we had an extended long weekend, I was just 20 so I usually just stayed in the barracks this particular weekend, most of the barracks was empty with the exception of a few other soldiers who were drinking, in the room next to mine, they asked if I wanted to join so I did, I’m not sure what was in the drink but after only two drinks I was extremely light headed and dizzy. One of the guys started pulling down my underwear trying to rub up against me, I remember another guy holding me down on my bunk, they anally penetrated me, also choked me, it was so terrifying the room was dark, I heard them laughing, when I woke up not in my own room naked and bruised, I went down to the shower room I remember being in there for a real long time, and crying, they did this to other new recruits as an imitation, the next day was a Sunday I was so shocked and horrified, I never told anyone the shame the humiliation, the fact that they may do it again i knew better to report it! The mindset in the military is to protect the higher ranks, not long after this I had alcohol problems at my next duty station, I went to the base chaplain he basically ignored the situation, as a male victim I was supposed to fight back be masculine but now looking back on it I know I was drugged, and gang raped, it took me over 20 years to finally tell the VA, it’s so difficult to even tell anyone, maybe things may change now but I seriously doubt it, especially with male victims, the perpetrators got away with sexual assault and even were promoted! I believe an outside reporting system needs to be in place. The military will continue to sweep thing under the carpet,hopefully they will change,but the mental and physical damage is done I will never be the same.